Stuck in an Elevator
by learningtowrite1996
Summary: Jacob and Edward are stuck in an elevator together, and it just goes downhill from there. A series of arguements between Edward and Jacob. Caution, Breaking Dawn spoilers!
1. Chapter 1

Stuck in an Elevator

**This is my first Twilight fanfic, so please be nice, but give me pointers anyway. This contains some breaking dawn spoilers, so YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Also, I didn't know if Jake can see in the dark, so I made him not be able to... Enjoy!**

"I don't wanna go with him."

"Jake don't be a baby."

"Yeah Jacob, I'll be nice." Edward sneered.

"Predator."

"Your making this such a big deal, there is _no room for you two_. Now, I will see in you in about, three seconds."

"Actually, you will see them in exactly, fourte..."

"I don't need an exact update, Alice."

Isabella Swan walked into the elevator, hand in hand with her daughter, Renesmee. She looked back at Edward and Jacob with her perfect vampire face.

"See ya soon."

Jacob pouted. Edward was sure to make some kind of argument of how he was weird in the elevator, and then would read Jacob's mind and get a wonderful comeback.

What a cheater.

"I am _not _a cheater, Jacob." Edward said, smiling.

Jacob scowled as the light came on and the elevator opened, empty. That was so annoying. The wolf and vampire stepped inside. There was a very bright light on in the elevator, and the glittering began.

Freaky

"I'd rather glitter than be a dog, dog."

"Rude."

"I am not rude, I am simply stating a fact."

"Well, girls would want me as their man more."

"How so?"

"Cuz _real _men don't sparkle."

It looked like if Edward could flush, he would. Suddenly, the elevator gave a violent jerk, and then a jerk down.

The lights flickered out.

"It's dark." whimpered Jacob.

"No, really?"

"You could be sympathetic, not all of us can be freaks and see in the dark."

"Fine, I'm sorry for your incapable eyes."

The elevator jerked down again.

"Stupid elevator," murmured Edward.

"of course it would break down when I'm in here with _you_."

"Aw, come on, you know this is fun."

"How?"

"I don't know."

"Then how can you say that this is fun?"

"I don't know."

"What _do_ you know?"

He saw Jacob tilt his head, wracking his brains for what he knew.

"My hair, is _definitely _black." he said.

"Stupid."

"Rude."

"You already said that."

Jacob sighed and slid down to the floor.

"Haha, are you legs tired?"

"No"

"yes"

"no"

"yes"

"_no!_"

"Jacob, just admit it, I can read that they are."

"You have no respect for anyone's privacy!"

"You have not respect for anything else!"

"Like?"

"My house."

"I respect your house!"

"Jacob, you took the mattress off of Rosalie's bed, and slid down the stairs on it!"

"Because, one, I hate her guts. Two, she doesn't sleep. And three, it was really fun."

"You fell on your face."

"Because I decided to be awesome and stand up."

"Nothing is awesome if you fall on your face."

"Fine, putting that aside, how else do I not respect your house?"

"You lay on my bed, and get your nasty blood all over it."

"That was not my fault, you left a knife in your bed, you freak."

"I _needed _that. And you should not have been in my bed in the first place!"

"Okay, so far all of these reasons have been really gay, give me a _good _one."

"You set my room on fire with Rosalie's curling iron."

"That curling iron was _evil_, I swear!"

"Why did you even have her curling iron?"

"...."

"Haha! You were trying to curl your hair?"

"Hey! See! That is your way of disrespecting my privacy!"

"Oh, whatever."

Jacob whimpered again.

"I don't like it being so dark, you could just sneak over to me and rip my face off."

"That's disgusting."

"It is still a possibility."

"Why would I want to have your nasty face in my hands?"

"Your daughter seems to like it."

Edward growled. "Not yet."

"I am uncomfortable when you growl."

Edward gave a small chuckle and then a sigh.

"Well if you must have light, then here," he took out his phone and flipped it open.

"let there be light."

The silvery blue light faintly illuminated the tiny space. Edward looked down and saw that Jacob was pulling something out of his pocket.

"Really Jacob? Chocolate?"

"I'm starving!"

"Dude, we've been in here for like seven minutes."

"So?"

"Oh never mind."

"Fine, I'll be nice, here you have a bite."

Jacob held the candy bar up to Edward's face.

"No."

"You don't like chocolate?"

"Jacob, I can't eat."

"Oh yeah. Haha."

"You are a dork."

"Well _excuse _me for being nice. You know, you could say thank you."

"Um, okay, thank you for offering me chocolate, covered in your saliva that I can't eat?"

"Your welcome."

The elevator's cable snapped, hurtling them down twenty floors. Edward let go of his phone leaving Jacob in pitch blackness.

"Jacob!" yelled Edward.

"Hang onto something!"

But there was nothing to hold onto.

He grabbed his forearm and climbed like a spider to the ceiling to prevent Jacob breaking his neck from the impact of the fall. Somehow, the vampire lost his grip when they were nearly to the bottom.

Crash!

The sound was deafening, not like it mattered much to Edward.

"Jacob?" he whispered.

"Jake?"

"Awwww, _Ed_, I'm fine."

Edward gave a sigh of relief.

"Well, that's good, because Bella wouldn't be happy if I brought you back without a face."

"So you _were _going to rip my face off!"

"Yup."

"I knew it. See, that's another way you don't respect me."

"Huh?"

"You threaten to rip my face off."

"At least I don't morph into a giant wolf."

"Yeah, at least."

There was silence.

"I think we should play a prank on Rose, and everyone else of course." said Edward.

"Ahhhh, wonderful."

"What's the prank?"

"Play dead."

"That's not a prank, that's doing her a favor."

"Not really."

"Why? She hates me!"

"Not if you died because of her!"

"What are you-?"

"Rosalie killed the elevator's power."

**All-right! That's it! I don't know if this should just be a one-shot, or if I should have another chapter doing the prank. I don't know, I need feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

Stuck in an Elevator

"No, but dude, I seriously am in pain."

"Really?"

"Yeah, somethin' is up with my arm."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"You broke it."

"I did _not_! I saved you from certain death!"

"Awww, you do care about me."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"You know what Jacob? I am a mature and married man, and shall not stoop to your level."

"I actually have to stoop to _your _level, cuz your pretty short."

"I'm not short, your just a freak."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Thank you."

"Hey do you want to do me a favor?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Will you just listen to it?"

"No."

"Okay, here it goes."

"Jacob...."

"Will you pull me out of this metal, cuz it's kind of digging into my leg, plus my arm is really killing me."

"Oh, but wait."

"_What_?"

"You heal really fast right?"

"Yeah."

"So maybe you could do _me _a favor."

"Will you finish my favor?"

"Yeah sure, whatever."

"I wish I could read your mind."

"Too bad, you aren't special."

Jacob chuckled.

"What?"

"You said that you were _special_."

"Uh, Jacob, will you be mature? Now do you want to prank Rosalie?"

"Yes, with all my heart and soul."

"I have no soul."

"Ewwww, _I _do."

"Whatever. Now, just stay really still, I'm just going to..."

"Whoa, what are you doing? You emo freak!"

"I'm not emo, I'm just trying to make it look a bit more realistic."

"By slicing open my skin! No! And where did you get that pocket knife anyway?!"

"Um, my pocket?"

"Wasn't there security on the plane?"

"Yes."

"Then how did you get it past that dude?"

"I have my ways."

"You're an evil criminal."

"Thanks."

Edward grabbed Jacob's wrist and pulled him out of the wreckage.

"Phew, thanks."

"Sure, sure, now hold still."

"Wait! Wait! Don't you hear that?"

"That what?"

"The... um... the... ratroaches!"

"Ratroaches?"

"Yup, half rat, half roach, all vicious."

"Jacob are you stalling?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Dude, when are you going to see that I can read everything you are thinking?"

"Well, if you watched the Suite life of Zack and Cody, you would have known that I was lying right away."

"Oh, well I'm sorry that I don't waste my life watching those silly shows."

"I watched it on your bed."

"Uhhhh! What is up with you and laying on my bed?"

"It's comfy, and why do you even care? You don't even sleep!"

"So? Stay out of my room!"

"I like your room. It smells nice."

"Why don't you watch T.V. at your house?"

"Because."

"Because why."

"Well, you know, it just kind of, um, exploded."

Edward laughed.

"How did you manage to blow up your television?"

"Well, I kind of just left a soda on the top of it and..."

"And what?"

"Well, I shot a dart at it and it fell over, causing my T.V. to explode."

"You are an idiot."

They both then heard footsteps coming down into the basement. A girl's wind-chime voice then rang out...

"Edward? Jacob?"

"How did the cable snap? There was just the two of then in it!"

Edward and Jacob exchanged worried glances.

"Quick hold still."

"Hey be careful with that, dude, it's getting really close to my eye!"

"Shhh! Shut up!"

"Edward?" called Rosalie.

Seven vampires and one half-vampire entered the dark basement.

"The elevator went out, and the cable snapped." said Edward, lying flawlessly.

"But what has happened?" asked Bella.

"Yes, what has happened to Jacob?" Alice continued.

"He's dead." Edward cried out breathlessly.

"The fall killed him."

"Werewolves...werewolves, can die?" whispered Rosalie.

"From extreme, impact, yes." Edward told her.

"Oh _no_!" Bella squeaked.

"No, no!"

"_Jake, what's going on?"_ asked a voice in Jacob's head.

"_I told you," _he answered.

"_I'm on vacation with the Cullens."_

"_Are you all-right?"_

"_Yes, I'm fine."_

"I wonder how the elevator just went out." said Carlisle in a rather shaky voice.

"It seemed to be in just fine shape with us."

"Yes, strange." said Rosalie.

Edward looked at her, and then faked a look of pure disgust and anguish_._

"It was _you _Rose? _You _killed the elevator's power?"

Rosalie began to stamper. "I-I, just, well, I...."

"How do you know that Edward?"

"I read her mind, she killed the elevator's power."

"_Rose_!"

"Rosalie!"

"You killed him!"

"He is not dead! He is faking!"

"How dare you!" said Bella, playing along after Edward winked at her.

"What will we tell his pack?" whispered Carlisle.

"We have broken the treaty beyond all."

"Plus, don't forget that Rose is a murderer." Bella spat.

Rosalie looked like she would be crying if she could.

"Ugh, do you feel _any _remorse at all, Rose?" said Edward.

"Well, o-o-of c-c-course I d-d-do." she stuttered.

"Nothing will happen to us if we show who is really to blame." Bella hissed.

Rosalie's eyes widened.

"Now, Bella we cannot hurt one member of our family."said Carlisle.

"If one goes down we all go down with them."

"But is that really worth it, Carlisle?" asked Edward.

"Should we all die for Rosalie being a killer?"

"Aw, come on Edward, it _was _an accident." said Jasper fairly.

Bella snarled.

"I wonder if the wolves really _could _take us." said Emmet.

"_Uh! We could rip you fools to pieces!" _thought Jacob.

"_Rip who to pieces?" _asked Seth.

"_None of your business, kid."_

"_It is too my business!"_

"_Yeah what's going on Jacob?"_

"_You are all so annoying!"_

"This all makes me sick," bickered Bella.

"Rosalie feels nothing at all, I bet she is happy."

Rosalie stayed silent throughout the entire argument, then she burst out saying...

"All-right! All-right! I'm sorry! I'm sorry that he's dead, I'm sorry that all this has happened!" she took a deep breath.

"I feel really bad that he is dead, and I wish he wasn't! He was such a great kid, and I'm sorry!!!!"

She shot Bella and Edward a dirty look.

"Satisfied?"

"Well _I _am." sneered Jacob.

Everyone gasped and Edward laughed.

"Did you really mean that blondie? Do you really think that I'm a great kid?"

Rosalie gnashed her teeth.

"Your dead, mutt." she growled.

"I didn't fall for it even for a second."

"Yes you did."

"No."

"Yes."

"No.

"Yes!!!!"

"I am going to slice you into pieces, burn you, and sell your ashes to hobos that live outside of Notre Dame."

"Why Notre Dame?"

"It's the first thing that popped into my head."

"Oh."

"And, have no doubt that I'm going to prank you back."

"What are you going to do? Overly spray me with hair spray?"

"No. It will be something clever, evil, and sophisticated."

"Ooh, scary."

"Yes, it will be."

She then turned on her heel and strolled out of the basement, followed by Emmet and Jasper. Alice, however shot him a huge grin. Bella hugged him and Carlisle and Esme left as well.

"Good job, kid."

"Thanks, you too. You're a pretty good liar."

"Thank you."

"That is not really a compliment."

"Oh, well, then you suck."

"And, I'm not a kid."

"Yes you are, you can't even drive yet."

"Yes I can! Dude, I'm like, seventeen."

"Fine, but I'm a way better driver."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"You wanna bet?"

"Hmmm, how much?"

"Ten bucks."

"Ten bucks! Whats up? Afraid your gonna lose?"

"Fine, fine. Twenty."

"Hehe, deal, mutt."

"Man I feel pretty bad taking your money like this."

"Well, may the best person win."

"But, a person is a human, and you are not at all human."

"Neither are you. You're a _dog_."

"So? At least I have blood in me."

"Just to be drunk."

"That is so weird."

"Yeah, sort of."

"Hey, dude, can you get drunk?"

"What?"

"Like can you get drunk, off of blood?"

"I don't _know_. That is the stupidest question ever."

"No, because I don't think I would want to be around you when you were drunk."

"Whatever, I'll see you at twelve o'clock tomorrow for our little race."

"See you then."

**All-right! I want to thank everyone for reviewing, even if I know that this was not nearly as funny as the last one. This one was terrible. Now, I hope to get the next chapter up before I go on my two-week trip, if I don't then, I am very sorry! I probably will, tho. Thanks so much to you all! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Stuck in an Elevator

"No fair."

"It is too fair."

"Why do you get the better car?"

"Because I'm the better person."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"You know what Edward? I am a mature and... um... imprinted man and shall not stoop to your level."

"You idiot, that's what I said."

"So?"

"So, you're a cheater."

"Whatever. I need a better car."

"No."

"But I don't want to use Bella's old truck!"

"So?"

"So if you win, it wont be fair."

"So?"

"Uhhhhhhh! Alice has a porsche, why can't I use that?"

"Because she will be very mad if you crash it."

"I wont crash it, because I am going to win."

"Whatever, you can't use her car."

"Why, you afraid that if I get it, that I'll win?"

"No, but I don't want to get in trouble for you wrecking her car."

"You guys are filthy rich, just buy her a new one."

"No, she is very attached to her car."

"Uhhhh, who _cares_?"

"I do."

"I'm asking her."

"Have fun."

"I will."

He ran off to Alice and Jasper's room. He knocked on the door.

"One second!" called Alice.

She opened the door and raised her eyebrows when she saw who was standing there.

"Yes?"

"Um, I was wondering if I could use your porsche for my race today."

"Why?"

"Because that truck sucks."

"Use the Volvo."

"No, Edward is using it."

Alice rolled her eyes.

"Fine," she said handing him the car keys.

"you can use it, just _be careful_."

"I will... I will."

He ran off, again.

"Hahaha, Edward!"

Edward looked up and grimaced.

"What?"

"She is gonna let me use her porsche!"

"No way!"

"Way."

"Way?"

"You say 'no way!' and I say 'way!' in a really preppie voice."

"That's stupid."

"Yeah, kinda."

"So, now that you have a decent car, are you ready?"

"Yup."

"Okay, so were going to start at that flag pole, and whoever gets to the stop sign first wins. Easy enough?"

"Sure, sure. But what about rules?"

Edward thought for a moment.

"No shortcuts, and no blowing up the other person's car."

"Aw man! You can have your matches and gasoline back, Emmet."

"Why?"

"He said blowing up another car is_ against the rules_."

"Awwwww."

"I know."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Are you ready?"

"Sure, but don't we have a flag waver?"

"A what?"

"You know, like on _Grease_. That one chick that was waving the flag when they had that one car race."

"Why would we do that?"

"Cuz it would be cool."

"No."

"Please, Bella could do it!"

"I don't want to be involved with your stupid race."

"Alice?"

"No, I'm giving you my car, isn't that enough? Plus, I'm already the counter-downer."

"Fine."

He searched around for another girl to do the job.

_Not Esme, _he thought.

_she is like, a mom._

_Who is like a mom, Jake?_

_Yeah, who?_

_Who?_

_Who?_

_Will you owls shut up?!_

He then realized that one member of the vampire party was missing.

"Where's Blondie?"

"She didn't want to come because she hates you too much."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Now are you ready? I have other things to do with my wonderful immortal life, Jacob. Unlike you."

"What do you have to do?"

"Never mind, lets just go."

"But we need a flag waver." Jacob moaned.

"Uhhhhhhhh!"

"I'll do it Jakie, I wanna do it."

Renesmee ran over to Jacob an hugged his leg.

"I bet that I could do it, really, I could!"

She looked up at him with her golden face, sticking her lower lip out.

"Pweeeeeeze? I can do it."

Jacob looked to Edward and Bella and then back to Renesmee.

"Well, I'm not your momma, kid. Ask her."

She ran back over to her mother.

"Pweeze, momma? I can do it really good!"

Bella smiled.

"I don't see why not."

"Yay!" cried Renesmee.

"Great, Nessie. Now, all you have to do is take this scarf,"

He handed her a bright green and yellow scarf.

"and wave it when Alice counts down to one_. _Can you do that?"

She nodded vigorously.

"Great. _Now _I'm ready, Edward."

"Perfect, let the game begin."

Bella bit her lip.

"Oh please be careful you two." she said.

"We will, Bell." said Jacob.

They both entered their cars.

"All-right boys, now I want this to be nice and fair." said Alice.

"Now, start. Your. Engines!!!!"

"What the crap, Alice? We aren't in race cars!"

"I know, I just thought it would sound cooler."

Edward rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, starting from five. You ready Renessmee?"

The little girls was jumping up and down with the neon scarf in her hand.

"Ready Awice!"

"Good. Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Go!"

The scarf flew up, and the cars took off.

Edward flew ahead. The road was narrow, and Jacob was struggling.

"_Uhhhh, come-on, I can't lose. I don't even have twenty dollars!"_

"_Oh, well I do."_

"_Well, how is that going to help me Quil?"_

"_IDK."_

"_Quil, what did we tell you about text-talk? _Asked another voice.

"_To not to use it."_

"_Then don't."_

"_I can think whatever I want to, Jared."_

"_Can you guys think a little bit quieter? I'm kinda busy."_

"_Whatcha doin'?"_

"_None of your concern."_

"_Well then, I wont give you my twenty dollars."_

"_Uhhh, shut-up."_

He focused on the road again. It was curving now, and Edward had a huge lead. Just then, Edward lost the wheel for all of three seconds. He spun into the bushes, with only one wheel still on the road.

Jacob speed past him laughing.

"See ya, bloodsucker!"

Edward shot him a death glare as he attempted to get out of the bushes.

"Whoooooooooo!!!!!!" he cried.

The wind swept against his face and he was rather enjoying himself.

That was when he saw it.

Thick, orange flames swept across the road with a fallen tree in the middle, being their source of tinder.

It was blocking the road.

"Crap!" whispered Jacob.

Acting quickly, he stamped his foot down onto the break. However, it was too late. The car flew into the flames and engulfed Jacob into searing heat.

"Oh no! Alice is going to kill me!"

The car rolled and Jacob fell out with a "thud!"

The flames danced and the smoke rose. Jacob was stuck directly in the center, unable to get out. He looked over to the gas tank on the car. It was on fire.

"No! No! Crap!"

There was a deafening explosion and Jacob felt his knee slice open and sticky wet blood flow down his leg. The smoky air grew worse and Jacob began to choke.

Suddenly he heard a car's wheel screeching. A silver Volvo spun and faced the fire.

A vampire got out.

"Jacob!"

"_Jacob!"_

Jacob coughed and struggled to get out of the wreckage. He grasped the cool, white hand that came through the fire. It pulled him out, coughing and sputtering.

"Jacob! Jacob? Take a deep breath."

Jacob chuckled. So much for a car race.

"Why are you laughing?" asked Edward.

"Cuz I feel like it."

"How did it happen?"

Jacob opened his mouth to answer, but he saw something to make him stop short.

Rosalie.

But she wasn't smirking at him, or even giving him a death glare. She was doing something else. She was screaming.

"Oh no! What the ----!"

Jacob began to laugh. Rosalie's long, blond hair was on fire. She was jumping around, screaming and trying to put it out. Edward was laughing too.

"Don't just sit there laughing! Help me!" she screeched.

Edward and Jacob looked at each other.

_Do we really have to help her?_ Jacob thought to Edward.

_She should be punished for ruining our race._

Edward nodded and smiled.

"Too bad, Blondie! Next time, don't get me back."

Rosalie growled and continued to try and extinguish her hair.

"Don't think I wont get you back, mutt."

Jacob frowned.

"For what?"

"For my plan backfiring."

**Hey thanks for all of your reviews! I wont be back for 2 weeks, so I need lots of the ideas! Review!!!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

Stuck in an Elevator

**Hey, sorry it took forever to get this up. I should be sued. But, in my defense, I wasn't ever planning to write more than a first chapter... Enjoy!**

"Edward, why didn't we just fly home?"

"Because that is expensive, Jacob."

"You guys are rich!"

"So?"

"So, you could take a plane!"

"No, Rose doesn't like planes!"

"And I care because..."

"Watch yourself, she'll hear you."

"Calm down, Blondie is in the other car."

"She has good hearing."

"Vampires don't have all super-senses. They don't always..."

Jacob stopped when his phone began to vibrate. He flipped it open.

"Yes?" he answered.

"I heard that you don't care about my hate of airplanes."

Jacob gasped.

"Oh. My. Gosh."

"What?" Rosalie asked.

"You are a freak!"

She gave an annoyed groan and hung up.

"See? I told you." Edward sneered.

Jacob stuck his lower lip out and slumped down in his seat.

"Why do I have to sit in the back?"

"Because you are the child."

"No! I'm like nineteen!"

"And I'm over one-hundred! Shut-up!"

"Why did you want to take me on this trip if you were just going to be rude?"

"I didn't want to take you."

"The why am I here?"

"I don't know."

"Bella, do _you _want me here?"

"Of course I do, darling!"

"Bella likes me."

"Whoo. Have a party."

"I will."

Jacob sighed.

"Edward?"

"What?"

"Are we there yet?"

"No, Jacob, we are not."

There was a pause.

"Edward?"

"_Yes?_"

"When will we be there?"

"About two hours. Leave me alone!"

"So rude to your guest."

"Jacob, you are around me and my family so much that you are no longer considered a guest."

"Awww, really?"

"Really."

Jacob looked out the window.

"Edward?"

"_What?!_"

"I'm bored."

"Jacob, how long will it take to get this through you?! I _do not care!_"

"Well fine then."

Jacob clicked his tongue.

"You can call Edward a sourpuss, sourpuss. And guess what? He likes... blood! Sourpuss!!"

Edward closed his eyes.

"You are _so _annoying!"

"It's a gift!"

"You shouldn't sing songs off of commercials."

"Well, I do."

"That's stupid."

"I think I know why your being so rude today."

"Why?"

"Cuz you had too much blood last night."

"_What?_"

"Well, like when people get really drunk, sometimes they get really rude. And crazy. It's called a hangover."

"I know what it's called you dork!"

"Sorry, just trying to help you old people."

"I am not old."

Jacob chose to ignore this.

"I just hope that you don't do the whole crazy part. Yikes."

Edward growled.

"Why didn't we put him in the other car Bella?"

"Because I happen to like Jacob. And Rose and Jake clash pretty badly."

"Yup!" chirped Jacob.

There was silence for a bit. Jacob found a rubber ball under the seat. It was neon green. He flipped it through his fingers, smiling.

_Perfect, some entertainment!_

_Oh, good. You've sounded pretty bored._

_Must you comment on everything Quil?_

_I enjoy it._

_Well I don't, leave me alone!_

_Someone is bitter!_

_I am not! You should see how bad Edward is!_

"Oh, that hurts Jacob." said Edward

"Nobody asked you."

Jacob pulled a piece of string out of the seat and tied it around the ball. He rolled down the window.

"Hehe."

"Jacob, no mischief." warned Bella.

"Yeah, yeah."

Jacob threw the ball out the window and held the string.

"Go ballie, go!" he whispered.

The little ribber ball bounced. The thin string broke and the ball went under the car and then up through a small hole.

"Oh, crap."

"What Jacob?"

"Nothing... nothing."

Jacob looked out the window and saw heavy smoke coming out of the little hole.

"Oh no, no, no."

It caught on fire. The heavy flames spread up. Edward and Bella sniffed the air.

"Jacob..." said Edward, with anger in his voice.

"did you set my car on fire?!"

"Well, it depends on what you mean by fire..."

Edward pulled over and opened the door.

"Bella, hand me the fire extinguisher!"

Bella easily wrenched the red tube out of the thick metal and threw it to Edward. He quickly put out the flames.

Five Minutes Later

"Hey, dad."

"Jacob!" called Billy Black from the other line.

"haven't heard from you in a while!"

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

Jacob sighed. It was really hot and the passengers in the passing cars were occasionally giving him the finger.

"So, dad, how much gas is in the car?"

"I don't know, some?"

"Do you think you could ask the guys to come and get me?"

"Sure, are you at the airport?"

"No, no, we didn't fly."

"Oh, then where are you?"

"I am currently sitting on a curb in Phoenix."

"Why?"

"I am in trouble."

"For what?"

"Setting the second car on fire."

**Yay! Now I know this isn't as long as the other chapters. Sorry. I don't really know if I'll continue cuz, well, I don't know. It depends on the ideas that find their way into my head. Please review! It makes me so happy!!!! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Stuck in an Elevator

**Hey, sorry it took so long to update. I've been very lazy lately. And, some strange thing on my computer wouldn't let me update. :( Sorry. Anyway, here we go!!!**

"Hey love, need a ride?"

"Oh, no, it's fine... um... I'm fine."

"Alright then." the pretty girl drove off and her boyfriend gave him the finger.

_That's the ninth finger I've gotten today._

_I haven't gotten any._

_Whoop for you Quil._

_Hey, the Cullens got here three hours ago, why aren't you with them?_

_Cuz I got into trouble._

_Hahahaha_

_It's not funny!_

_It's pretty funny, yeah. _

_Why don't you come and sit on a searing hot curb for thirteen hours, and then we'll see if it's funny_!

_That doesn't sound very appealing._

_Then leave me alone._

_Fine._

_Are you frustrated?_

_Yes._

_Then I'm gonna make it tons worse._

_Quil..._

_Guess where I am!_

_Dude, I do not care._

_Guess!_

_Fine, your house._

_Nope._

_Then where?_

_Your house!_

_Get out!_

_No._

_You annoy me._

_You sound like Edward._

_Yeah he's kinda rubbing off on me, it is a very terrible affliction._

_Disgusting!_

_Ok, I am done with you goodbye._

_See ya, I'll have fun on your couch._

_Errrrrrrr..._

Jacob put his head down on the sidewalk. The sun was going down and he was getting tired. He did not want to have to stay out here all night. He could phase and go home that way, but he didn't exactly know the way, and he didn't want to ask for directions in dog form. At that thought, he looked up when he heard a car skid to a halt. Three girls got out. Two were brunettes and one a blonde. They looked to be about seventeen or eighteen.

"Hi!" said one of the brunettes. Her eyes were green. She was very beautiful. The horrible stench of lilacs and overwhelming sweetness filled the air.

"Whatcha doin?"

He didn't answer. The same lovely girl continued talking. She seemed very confident with herself.

"My name is Christy, this," she said pointing to the other brunette.

"is Kallie, and this is Lexie."

Both of the dazzling girls smiled at him.

Jacob was at a loss for words. They were gorgeous. Too gorgeous. The girl called Kallie had huge purple eyes and Lexie had sparkling brown ones.

Suddenly he saw a very strange thing. Their eyes seemed to dissolve, or at least the color did. The color instead became a blood-red.

"Aaaahhhhh!" cried Jacob.

He jumped up and stepped back.

They looked at each other, wondering what was wrong.

"Oh," said Kallie.

"Our venom dissolved the contacts."

"Your... venom?"

"Yes darling." said Lexie smiling.

Lilac overly sweet smell, dissolving contacts, inhumanely beautiful... how could he have been so terribly stupid?

"You are... vampires?"

All three sets of eyebrows rose.

"Yes, well, I suppose we are." said Christy. She seemed rather amused.

"Then... then you know what I am."

"That's why we got out of the car."

"We've always wanted to see a werewolf." said Christy.

"Well, now you've seen one." Jacob was surprise of how shaky his voice sounded. He had torn vampires to pieces before, why were these girls any different?

"Do... do you wanna come to our place? We could all hang out." asked Kallie.

Jacob tilted his head.

Go be dinner...

Sit on curb...

Go be dinner...

Sit on curb...

Yeah, sitting on the curb sounded a lot better.

"Uhhhhh, I'm actually waiting for someone, so I can't."

They all sighed.

Christy said, "You know, I haven't eaten for two months, and you just happened to be the first living creature we saw on the road, so at this point I'm ready to eat anything."

Jacob gasped and took another step back.

There were three growls and three lunges.

_Screech_

A black convertible spun and came up onto the curb. The three vampires sniffed the air, cried out and ran back to their car.

They were gone in three seconds flat.

"Are you gonna just stand there or get into the car?" asked Edward.

Jacob opened the door and climbed into the passenger seat.

"You could say thank you."

"No, you're a jerk."

"Then get out."

"No, you're the whole reason that I almost became dinner, set the car on fire, was in a car explosion, crashed in an elevator, fought the Votroli, broke all my bones, _and_ lost the girl of my dreams."

"Wow, your life sucks."

"Thanks to you."

"Lets not forget how I gave you the girl you imprinted on and am letting you be a pedofile towards her."

"I am not being that!"

"Well, I'm considering letting you be my son-in-law."

"Awwww, I'll be your son someday!!!"

"In-law!"

"With the son part!"

"No."

"Yes, yes, yes!"

"No! Shut up!"

"I want a drink!"

"No!"

"I might die of thirst!"

"Then die!"

"No, I don't want to."

"Then drink your saliva!"

"Ew, isn't that spit?"

"Yup."

"Did you find my ball?"

"No."

"I want it back."

"That is too bad."

"Will you get me a new one?"

"No!"

"I bet it will only be a few cents!"

"No, I don't enjoy giving you any joy."

"That is rude."

"I do not care."

"Then why did you come to help me?"

"Because Bella would be very unhappy in you died."

"Oh."

Jacob sighed, laid back on the chair and sighed again."

"I'm bored."

Edward didn't respond.

Jacob curled his hand into a fist and spoke into it.

"Houston, we have a problem... what's that wolf? I'm driving with a vampire... ewww, stinks for you... yeah, Houston, I know."

"You are a freak."

"Thanks, I try."

Jacob clicked his tongue.

"J-a-k-e spells _Jake_. D-i-e spells _die_. P-i-e spells _pie_. S-o-c-k spells _sock_. D-u-m-m spells _dumb_."

"You know, Jacob, I heard that there was a B in the word dumb."

"No, you idiot, then it would be dum_bu_." said Jacob, emphasizing the B sound.

"Oh, yes, you are right."

"I know, see I am smart too."

Edward laughed.

"Yes you are, Jacob, sure you are."

**There it is! Review!!!**


	6. Chapter 6

**READ THIS AUTHOUR'S NOTE! Thanks. I haven't updated this story in forever. I kind of just randomly felt like it today though. I don't know how I'll be writing it, because when I started this story I was so young and had such a different style. Oh well, I guess I'll just continue this fun little story. Review! :)**

Stuck in an Elevator

"Hi Edward."

"Hi."

Jacob just stood in front of Edward, waiting.

"Well?" Edward said, exasperated.

"I'm hungry."

"Ok. Bye now."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Can we go and get something to eat?"

"No," said Edward, trying to sidestep Jacob. "Bella and I are going out tonight."

"No you're not."

"Pardon?"

"You're not. Bella just left. She took Nessie and is visiting Charlie."

"Jacob, I can _read_ your thoughts. I know very well that isn't true."

"Oh come on! I'm so hungry!"

"Not my issue. At all."

"It will only take you around ten minutes to drive me to this delicious place called Taco Bell. Then you can come back and get all spruced up for your date."

"Wow let me think. No."

"Please!"

"Why don't you just run over there? You are a werewolf, remember?"

"I know. But it's raining. And rain is cold."

"You don't get cold."

"Well, it's wet also. And I don't want to get wet."

"Goodness, I can't even explain how much I do not care." Edward ducked around Jacob and began to walk up the stairs. "By the time I come back down, you'd better be out of here, Black."

"You'd better take me Edward, or else! Or else I'll tell your secret!" called Jacob. Edward stopped right on the first stair.

"What secret?" he asked, turning to face Jacob.

"You know. That one."

"Which one?"

"The one about you. That one night you accidentally lost control. Remember that buddy?"

"Jacob that was one time in around fifty years. It isn't a big deal."

"All right, if one human life is no big deal, I'm sure your family wont mind me telling them."

Edward clenched his knuckles.

"You know how bad I feel about that." he said cooly.

Jacob nodded his head. "Course I do. And you know how much I want Taco Bell. Now why don't we just get in the car, and forget about this whole little conversation?"

Edward sighed and rolled his eyes. He stepped forward and grabbed his car keys off the counter.

**Review.**


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